Parenting from a Distance
Andrea Nisley, Extension Educator
University of Nebraska Cooperative Extension Building Nebraska Families Program
Parenting is not easy, even when the parent and child live in the same household. When a parent is parenting a child who doesn’t live in the home, it can be especially challenging, but not impossible.
Whether the parent moves across town, across the state, or country, it signals the end of the family pattern as every member of the family has known family to be. It takes awhile for the brain and the heart to process the adjustment.
University of Nebraska Cooperative Extension Building Nebraska Families Program
Parenting is not easy, even when the parent and child live in the same household. When a parent is parenting a child who doesn’t live in the home, it can be especially challenging, but not impossible.
Whether the parent moves across town, across the state, or country, it signals the end of the family pattern as every member of the family has known family to be. It takes awhile for the brain and the heart to process the adjustment.
Knowing that staying connected is in the best interest of the child, neither parent should deny the importance of making a working parenting plan that includes regular phone contact and parenting time in the home of both parents. Because emotions rule many of divorcing families’ decisions, children may get caught in the middle.
Call or contact the other parent using business-like skills, and work to keep the child out of the middle. Stick to the issue at hand and don’t drag in other topics. Arrange for transition in a neutral location to avoid conflict. But if conflict begins, take a deep breath and make an appointment to discuss the issues at a calmer time.
Long distance parenting can actually be an opportunity to create new ways to communicate with your children. A short phone call after school or before bedtime can be a great comfort for a child who can’t spend face-to-face time with a parent every day. With cameras on some cell phones, it is easy to send a photo to enjoy.
Text messages and instant messaging on social networks for teens and parents are other ways to stay in touch. Using Skype, a free or low cost download program on your computer saves phone minutes and provides quality time together. If a parent has a microphone, speakers, and a webcam, he or she is pretty close to being there with their child.
When parents divorce, they are required to file a parenting plan with the court before the final divorce decree is granted. Parents should work to have this plan serve the best interests of the child.
Children are always watching their parents. They learn to react or respond the same way as their parents behave in conflict situations.
Children are always watching their parents. They learn to react or respond the same way as their parents behave in conflict situations.
For additional information on this topic view the publication “Parenting Plans for Separating or Divorcing Parents” G1983 on the extension.unl.edu/publications website or contact your local University of Nebraska-Lincoln Extension office.
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